Without awareness, we will passively live through life, handling whatever situations we end up in. Life is unpredictable. The first step to taking any kind of control of your life is to become aware of yourself, your personal needs and choosing to honor the level 3 relationship with yourself. Choosing to honor the level 3 with the self will probably include wanting to create a level 3 relationship with another individual. Most people crave this level of relationship, but are unaware of the true commitment required on both parties. If we live life by honoring the needs of other people over our own, we will ultimately draw in people who are not meant for us. This is what happens if we remain unaware of our needs and the dynamics between relationships.
Defined relationships and boundaries help communicate with intention. This will increase your ability to meet your needs. For some people, networking comes naturally. For others, it takes some serious self reflection and courage. It all depends on the person and what needs they are trying to fulfill.
It’s great to have a strong network to support you. However, there is a balance to be maintained as individual resources are not limitless. Relationships are a symbiotic experience that only work if both parties involved are providing equal needs. Thus, you are demoting the Level 3 relationship with yourself when you sacrifice your needs to meet the needs of the people you have relationships with. Without this understanding, people generally live life in a passive manner by “going with the flow”. They like to see where life takes them. This is not a bad philosophy, but people with weak boundaries will find themselves in what is considered “toxic” relationships.
Level 2 relationships rely on the partners involved to provide at least two needs. A failure on their part poses more risk to yourself. However, you are also agreeing not to fail on their part because you enjoy their existence. That is why Level 2 relationships require a commitment, a conscious decision to provide and expect multiple “needs” from one individual. However, people usually end up in Level 2 relationships without really putting much thought into it, usually circumstantial. By defining the different needs in our lives, we are able to be more critical and conscious of who we allow to become level 2 and 3 relationships. This awareness comes from developing effective analytical skills and communication techniques with the parties involved.
By defining the different relationships in our lives, we can be more aware of when a relationship has transcended into the other levels of relationships. Once we recognize that a relationship dynamic has changed, we can then facilitate communications about expectations. Likewise, if a higher level relationships needs are no longer being met, the participants can then discuss why this need is not being met, identify ways to reincorporate that need in the relationship or decide if the relationship should be re-evaluated to exist in a different level. This ultimately will aid in mitigating “toxic” relationships from our life instead of just claiming to be “victims”.