The purpose of defining the different levels of relationships is to be able to set different boundaries for the different types of relationships. Anyone placed in Level 3’s needs should theoretically take precedence over the lower levels. Ultimately, we need to have a level 3 relationship with ourselves, meaning we must always honor our own needs. In honoring our own needs, we must only invite people into our life who honor our needs as well. While a lot of relationships are implied, we must never lose sight that we must honor the relationship with our self and that if someone is no longer satisfying a need, then we do not need to commit to them. This is not to say if someone makes a mistake that they should be kicked to the curb. The truth is our specific needs will change over our lifetime. People will ebb and flow in different relationships and needs shared in their lives. The key to boundaries is honest communication, realistic expectations and observed action. In being able to identify and define our relationships, we can communicate our expectations to those involved. Having a clear understanding of personal boundaries allows you to identify when a line has been crossed. Having clear boundaries means being comfortable expressing what makes you uncomfortable. Communication is not a bad thing, it is vital to relationships. When it comes to communication, it is important to remember that it is not what is being communicated that is a problem, it is how it is being communicated that can present problems. It’s important to look at relationships for what they truly are and what needs they are actively satisfying, not just what you want it to be or what your intentions are meant to be. This is where growth occurs. This is how you maintain a level 3 relationship with yourself.
Boundaries are a very personal experience and decision that every human has the right to, it is a necessity for survival. However due to the heightened association that comes with Level 2 and Level 3 relationships, boundaries can be difficult to enforce due to the increased adversity to risk at these levels. This is why constant understanding and communication needs to occur. It is just how our DNA functions most efficiently.
It’s important to conceptualize that we emotionally change throughout our lifetime. Any defined attribute may change through the course of one’s experiences. Being able to adjust and maintain the effort needed for the intimate codependency experienced in Level 3 relationships throughout life is a true art form. One that is genuine and cannot be forced. Including the relationship with yourself. The idea is not to keep people out, but to draw the right people in.
